May 31, 2026

On Preaching About Lust, Adultery, and Divorce (When You’d Rather Preach on Almost Anything Else)

I didn’t exactly volunteer for this passage.

As we laid out our teaching plan for the Sermon on the Mount, we realized we were moving too fast and needed to slow down. After rearranging some weeks, it became clear that I’d be preaching Matthew 5:27–32.

Lust. Adultery. Divorce.

There are easier Sundays.

I’ve dreaded this passage—not because I don’t understand what Jesus is saying, but because I understand it too well. I’ve lived inside this struggle. I’ve felt the shame. I’ve seen the damage. And I know how deeply personal these topics are for almost everyone in the room.

So I want to share, from a pastor’s perspective, what it’s like to preach a passage like this—and what I most long for you to hear beneath the hard words of Jesus.

1. Preaching When You’re Not “Above” the Text
One of the great illusions of pastoral ministry is that the preacher stands over the text—explaining it to everyone else, as if they themselves are somehow past it.

I can’t do that with this passage.

In full transparency, there have been seasons of my life where I’ve wrestled a lot with lust and pornography. That means I don’t preach this as someone untouched by the battle, but as someone who has scars from it, and who’s still learning how to walk in freedom.

Before I ever stand in front of a congregation with this text, it has already confronted me. It’s exposed me. It’s forced me back into confession, into deeper honesty with brothers, and into a fresh dependence on the grace of Jesus.

Pastors don’t get a separate, easier version of the Sermon on the Mount. We sit under the same Word.

And honestly, that’s part of why I wept while writing and practicing this sermon. This isn’t theory for me. It’s my story too.

2. Jesus Isn’t After Behavior Management
One of the most important things I wanted to make absolutely clear is this:

Jesus is not in the business of behavior modification.

He isn’t satisfied if we simply manage our image—look nice, say the right things, avoid obviously scandalous sins—while our hearts remain full of anger, contempt, lust, or hardness.

The flow of Matthew 5 is relentless:

Murder isn’t just about killing; it’s about anger and hatred.
Adultery isn’t just about sleeping with someone; it’s about lust in the heart.
Divorce isn’t just about paperwork; it’s about covenant unfaithfulness.
Jesus keeps pressing deeper, past the externals, into the hidden life of the heart. And that’s where most of us would rather He didn’t go.

But that’s exactly where His love insists on going.

If all He wanted was nice, compliant religious people who never slipped up too obviously, He could stop at “don’t commit adultery.” Instead, He says:

“Everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

That’s not Jesus condemning desire itself or attraction or our sexuality. It’s Jesus exposing how sin twists a good gift.

3. Lust Turns Image-Bearers Into Objects
We live in a culture that swims in sexual imagery and then shrugs at lust.

Pornography is normalized.
Sex is used to sell everything from shampoo to cars.
“You can look, just don’t touch” is treated like wisdom instead of the slow erosion of the soul.
The world tells us: as long as nothing “physical” happens, it’s private, it’s harmless, it’s nobody’s business.

Jesus disagrees.

Lust, at its core, is not simply noticing beauty. It’s not the normal spark of attraction. Lust happens when we take an image bearer of God and turn them into an object for our own gratification—someone we consume in our imagination, not someone we honor as a person.

And here’s what I know personally: if you cultivate that in the hidden places of your mind and heart long enough, it doesn’t stay hidden. It will eventually shape how you see everyone. It will leak into your marriage, your friendships, your expectations of intimacy, your ability to love.

This is why Jesus goes so hard after it.

Not because He wants to shame you, but because lust is not neutral. It deforms your ability to love.

4. The Lie of Secrecy vs. the Way of the Kingdom
When you preach about lust and sexual sin, you can almost feel the room tighten. Shame surfaces quickly. And with shame often comes the instinct to hide.

The enemy loves that.

He whispers:

“It’s not that big of a deal.”
“At least you’re not doing anything.”
“If anyone knew, they’d reject you. Keep it to yourself.”
Secrecy feels like safety, but it’s actually the soil in which sin grows strongest.

One of the most important lines I preached—and one I deeply believe—is this:

Secrecy is where sin grows.
Confession is where healing begins.

James 5:16 says:

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed.”

I’ve experienced this firsthand. I’ve sat in a discipleship band with brothers, spoken out loud what I wanted to keep hidden, and found that what I expected to bring rejection actually brought healing and strength.

If you’re stuck in cycles of lust or pornography, I promise you: white-knuckling alone in the dark will not free you. You need the body of Christ. You need confession and prayer.

Not public shaming. Not a microphone in front of the whole church.

A few trusted, godly brothers or sisters who will:

Listen without shock.
Tell you the truth without softening it.
Pray for you and walk with you, week after week.
5. Why Jesus Uses Such Extreme Language
When Jesus says:

“If your right eye causes you to stumble, tear it out… If your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off…”

He is using vivid hyperbole. He’s not calling for self-harm.

What He is saying is: stop treating deadly things casually.

Don’t flirt with the trap that is slowly strangling your soul. Don’t domesticate sin. Don’t negotiate with what is actively destroying your capacity to love God and people.

In our world, that might mean:

Deleting certain apps.
Putting real filters and accountability on your devices.
Cutting off a “harmless” emotional affair or flirtation.
Changing media habits—what you watch, when you watch, and with whom.
Getting real counseling for deeply rooted patterns.
Is that radical? Yes. But Jesus never describes discipleship as casual.

6. Divorce, Covenant, and the Heart of God
The second half of the passage deals with divorce. For many people, this topic is even more painful than lust.

As a pastor, I feel the weight of this. I know that in any given congregation, there are:

Those who have been abandoned.
Those who have been betrayed.
Those who carry deep regret.
Those who did everything they could and still ended up divorced.
I want to be absolutely clear: Jesus’ teaching about divorce must never be used as a weapon to beat already-wounded people.

What Jesus is doing in Matthew 5 and later in Matthew 19 is not trying to heap extra shame on the already broken. He’s confronting a culture where men were casually discarding their wives for almost any reason: poor cooking, embarrassment, loss of attraction.

In that world, a divorced woman was often left vulnerable—financially, socially, and physically. Divorce wasn’t simply emotionally painful; it often meant poverty and social shame.

So when Jesus speaks strongly about divorce, He is:

Protecting the vulnerable.
Honoring the weight of covenant.
Refusing to let marriage be reduced to a disposable convenience or a contract of personal fulfillment.
He reminds us that marriage is meant to be:

A covenant, not just a contract.
A reflection of God’s faithful love for His people.
Something we fight for, not something we casually discard when it stops “making us happy.”
At the same time, Jesus acknowledges that divorce exists because sin exists. Hardness of heart, betrayal, abandonment, abuse—these things are real in a fallen world. And sometimes, tragically, marriages rupture under the weight of that brokenness.

If that’s your story, hear this: you are not beyond the reach of God’s grace. You are not a “second-class Christian.” You are not the exception to Christ’s love.

The church’s job is not to build a hierarchy of shame, but to:

Hold up Jesus’ high view of covenant.
Walk gently with those who carry the wounds of divorce.
Help couples prepare well for marriage.
Support marriages relentlessly, especially when they’re struggling.
7. The Same Jesus Who Exposes You Is the One Who Heals You
When you preach a passage like this, you can’t leave people with only conviction. If all we hear is, “Lust is serious, divorce is serious, sin is serious,” many will walk away crushed and hopeless.

But the heart of the gospel is this:

The same Jesus who exposes your sin is the Jesus who forgives your sin.
The same Jesus who calls you to holiness is the Jesus who gives you His Spirit.
The same Jesus who says, “Blessed are the pure in heart,” is the Jesus who is in the business of making hearts pure.
So as a pastor, here is what I long for you to know:

There is hope.

Hope for those entangled in pornography.
Hope for those experiencing the corrosive power of lust.
Hope for those in hard, fragile marriages.
Hope for those who carry the grief and scars of divorce.
Hope for those crushed under shame.
Jesus is not interested in you pretending to be pure until you die and go to heaven. He wants to begin healing you now. He wants to reorder disordered desires. He wants to gradually, deeply, genuinely make you new.

8. Two Concrete Steps You Can Take This Week
Whenever I preach on something this raw, I don’t want to leave it in the realm of vague inspiration. So here are two simple but costly steps you can actually take:

1. Bring your sin into the light.

Confess to a trusted believer.
Join (or form) a triad, quad, or discipleship band where confession and prayer are normal.
If appropriate and safe, be honest with your spouse.
Talk to a pastor, elder, or mature Christian mentor.
Don’t wait for “the perfect moment.” Healing doesn’t start in vague future intentions—it starts with honest steps in the present.

2. Remove what is feeding temptation.

Ask honestly:

What are the “right eye” and “right hand” in my life?
What consistently leads me toward sin?
What habits, devices, apps, environments, or relationships keep pulling me back into the same patterns?
Then take radical, practical steps to cut those off. Not later. This week.

Not because you’re trying to earn God’s love, but because you’re responding to His love by taking your own soul seriously.

A Pastor’s Prayer for You
As I preached, I ended with a benediction. Let me adapt that here as my prayer for you:

May the Lord who sees your heart
give you a new heart and a new spirit.
May He remove what is hard within you
and make you tender to His voice.
May He strengthen you to walk in holiness,
faithfulness, and love.
And may you know, in the deepest places of shame and struggle,
that His grace is greater than your sin,
and His power to make you new is real.

If you’re wrestling with any of this and need someone to talk to, confess to, or pray with—please don’t stay in the dark. Reach out. This is exactly what the church is for.